It was snowing. I watched as the white flakes slowly danced in the wind before finally coming to rest on the blanket of snow that had already started to form while we ate. The windows had frost around the edges, making patterns. I traced them with my finger. We hardly ever have snow before christmas.
"Jeanette!"
I shook my head and looked up at Mari. Her black hair was curling slightly from where the straighteners had started to wear off. It tumbled over her shoulders, moving when she talked. She'd pinned part of it back with a golden pin that had started to fall out. Her cherry lipstick had smudged slightly at the corner of her mouth and her face was flushed from the heat of the restaurant.
"Jeanette!"
I blinked. "What?"
"What are you dreaming about?" she smiled. She had a dimple on her right cheek when she smiled.
I said nothing and continued eating my lasagne. She looked at me, confused, her brow creasing slightly in the middle as they always did when she was concerned. I took a small sip of wine and sat back in my chair, looking at her.
"Marry me" I said.
"What?" she laughed. "We are married".
I rolled my eyes. "A civil partnership isn't a marriage." I watched her as she smiled inquisitively at me, brushing a few strands of brown hair from her eyes. "I want you to be my wife."
"But I am your wife" she teased, pointing at the gold ring on her finger.
"No you're not" I sighed "not really."
Her smile faded slightly, and she looked down to start picking at her scarlet nail varnish, and I saw her eyes dart nervously around to see if anyone had been listening.
"Why?" she asked. "Why now? I'm fifty years old, I'm too old to be getting married!"
I laughed "since when is there an expiry date?" She didn't look any more convinced. I leaned across the table to hold her hands but she twitched them away. "I want you to be my wife" I whispered "not my… my partner. We're not two kids doing a science experiment together, we're in love"
She looks at me, her brow creased and lips pursed. "I just… we wouldn't even be able to find a priest and who'd- "
"Mari!" I cut her off "this is 2014, being gay is practically fashionable now!"
She laughed, but the worry in her eyes didn't disappear as it should, "but-"
"No buts!" I broke in gently. "Mari, this isn't the seventies anymore."
She smiled resignedly and reached over the table to squeeze my hand. I squeezed back, feeling the cold metal of her ring press into my hand. "So will you marry me?" I asked hopefully. She didn't answer and went back to her meal. Knowing not to push the matter, I did the same.
After the meal we walked mitten in mitten through the snow, not talking, just listening to it crunch beneath our feet. I looked over at Mari, my hood giving me tunnel vision. Her face was partially covered by her scarf, her nose and ears red at the tips and her cheeks flushed. Her eyelashes were wet from the snowflakes and there was a tear coming from one eye because her eyes water in the wind when she's walking. Some of her hair had escaped her hat at the back and was now soaking. She turned to look at me. My breath was coming out in puffs of smoke.
"Chocolate?" she asked, motioning to the store next to us. I nodded soundlessly and followed her up the steps inside. I was immediately assaulted by an overwhelming smell of sweetness that seemed to melt the snow off of my clothes almost as soon as I stepped inside. It baffled me how such a tiny room could smell so strongly that it nearly made me gag. I stood in a corner, picking at the faded green paint on the windowpane as she chose what she wanted. I was angry. Why was she not happy. Why didn't she want the world to know about our love. I was tired of secrets. Tired of having to hide who I was. I thought of Melanie so eagerly repenting in church, pretending not to know me on the street. I thought of Katy, leaving me to face the wrath of our church while she got away. Why was everyone so afraid of what everyone else thought?
I saw that Mari had chosen and was paying. The short, dumpy woman on the other side of the counter watched for a while as she searched her bag for an extra ten pence, and then decided that she'd go to the back to fetch some extra stock. I impatiently sighed and stuck a hand into my pocket, retrieving ten pence. I hand it over and she placed it on the counter. We said nothing for a while, waiting for short, dumpy woman to return.
Mari muttered something quietly.
"What?" I asked irritably.
She looked up at me. "Yes"
"Yes?"
"Yes I will marry you."
I stared at her, dumbfounded. "Y- You-"
I was interrupted by the return of short dumpy woman. She handed Mari the chocolate, scowling and I beamed back "Thank you!"
It was all I could do to not skip out of the shop and dance along the road. As we walked we discussed the wedding. Everything, from what we would wear to who we would invite, was decided in five minutes or less. It had started to snow again, and I looked up to the sky, letting the snowflakes land on my face and tongue.
"Will you invite your mum?" I looked at her. I thought of my mother, how she looked at me when she found out about Melanie and Katy, how she banned me from Elsie's funeral.
"No."
Mari shrugged and offered me a piece of Terry's Chocolate Orange.
"No thanks." I smiled "I hate oranges."
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